ok so its been a while...

Ok ok, so Ive slacked on the blog. For the past few weeks Ive been dealing with a lot and yes, blogging/writing wouldve let me release some it and it did.... but I chose to delete my previous post(s) because I felt like I didnt need to air that much dirty laundry for all the world to see. Lately, I feel like I've been in a constant struggle with myself. I couldnt figure it out and really have felt depressed. Ive had so much on my mind and didnt know how to clear it or to even figure out what I want... out of my day.. out of my week.. and certainly out of my life. That is... until today. A friend of mine knows I've been struggling but has no clue on specifically what area of my life... he sent me an online sermon tonight in an area that God led him to send to me. Wow.. how God works in mysterious ways. The sermon was exactly what I needed. This guy and his wife sat down and talked to their congregation on "christ-centered relationships." I really thought it was going to be about how you can apply God to your married life and work together as a couple and using God to be happy and overcome anything. ANNNNK! Wrong. It pretty much was the opposite. In todays christian society it is so easy to focus on a "christian marriage." But we often fail to see that marriage and children and a good job and nice house are all blessings that we receive for fufilling our essential purpose... to be a servant of God before all else. Ive lost my focus. Before I can receive any blessings, I have to focus on the fact that this life is short and our relationship with Him now prepares for us for our true life after we've risen to glory with God. The couple teaching the sermon used an illustration about us all being in a huge tank, fighting for oxygen and happiness and love. We fight each other and external sources for it. We dont realize that God supplies each and everyone of us with our own individual oxygen tanks. Whatever we need and desire we can receive through Him but we cant fight and seek elsewhere for those things. We must just rely on God and the fact that He is greater than we will ever be. He can do so much and love us beyond any love we experience while technically living... while making the point that we are not truly "living" until we get to heaven. Ok I know it sounds l ike I'm rambling and I dont mean to.. but that sermon just really blew me away. I have never been able to put it into a perspective like that and I have a peace about my life because I know as long as I focus and God first... all else will fall into place according to His plan... and when it does.. it will be beautiful!